Identity isn't simple

Identity is important: it is how we view ourselves, how we present ourselves to others and how others view us. Identity is about labels, yes, but it is deeper than that. Internally it helps us form our world view. It helps us to find connections with those that identify similarly to us, and it informs and changes when we start to find connections and similarities with labels and identities in which we originally thought were different to us. Externally we can show and share our own identity and labels with others in a way that seeks to help others understand what it is to be us. We can absorb and seek to understand the labels that other people identify with so we can understand what it is to be them.

Identity is also separate from us. It can be the labels that others put on us, and that we put on others, without consultation of the individuals concerned. It is intrinsically linked to both preconceptions and experiences. It is intrinsically linked to society and history. It is clouded by definitions and colloquialisms and language. It is clouded by assumptions, prejudices and stereotypes. It is clouded by ignorance, and refusals to acknowledge connections to broader experiences.

Identity is complex. We identify ourselves by different labels in different times, groups and places. However it is never separate. You might be able to separate the words into individual meanings, but identity is not words. Identity is meaning and emotion. It is not some succinct summation of what you are. It is intrinsically personal. By its nature identity is not easy, and it will always be made up of parts that from the outside will seem at odds with each other. Every person has a multiplicity of labels they give themselves, and they will never all be in agreement with one another.

Discussing any topic involving identity is hard. One of the easiest ways to break down a conversation about identity is to start using language and arguments that dismiss another person’s right and ability to form their own identity. Another way is to ignore the multiplicity that is identity, and with that too often impose stereotypes and prejudices. A third way is to ignore the connections (historical, ideological, social) that come with these identities, and by extension dismiss the very real connections that exist within issues of identity.

Identifying with one label does not automatically identify you with another, nor does it preclude you from identifying with a third and seemingly opposing label. I am me, but what is me? I am the product of my childhood, family, education, race, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic standing, local community, broader community, national community, political standing, the history of my family, community, religion, people, country, race. I am also the product of the labels that have been imposed on me by others: by family, teachers, politicians, statisticians, doctors, friends, historians. The list is endless, and yet we still have this yearning to reduce it to something short, smart and snappy. Identity is not buzzwords: it isn't succinct, simple or definitive.

You may not identify as something that is part of your personal, familial or societal history. This is normal. However it can be extremely helpful to know where you came from, what you are a product of. It can help you understand where your beliefs and ideologies come from and examine the connections that lie there. Philosophies, morals and world views do not appear out of nowhere, and neither do the identities that spring from them. Understanding where your identity comes from will help you understand where other peoples’ identities come from. Understanding that, whilst you may not personally apply an identity based on the past to yourself, it does influence you, and you must acknowledge that influence even if it sits uncomfortably with you.

When someone identifies themselves as something they are not giving you just a word. There is a history to that word, deeper meanings that come from both their experiences and those that came before them. It is not just a word. It is memory and emotion. It is not simple. This means that when we talk about one part of identity, for instance religion, it doesn't come separate from the history, context and current social attitudes towards it. It doesn't separate itself instantly from race, ethnicity, culture and history, and it is simplistic to expect it to. To talk about one part of a person or groups identity you must acknowledge the other parts of it. The connections that are there cannot be denied just so you can come out with an easy answer. To do that is inherently dismissive. It is dismissive of peoples’ experiences and history, and the history behind the words themselves. It sets up a problematic discourse that requires people to be one or the other, to pick a side, and it forces walls around the words we use to identify ourselves with. Identity is not a jigsaw puzzle where only a few certain pieces can be connected to each other.

Identity is not fixed. It is not tied to one moment in time. It is changeable: old connections are seen as less important while new connections are made. You can reclaim a former part of your identity that you left behind before. You can identify with something only momentarily, or it can be a lifelong part of you. It doesn't always sit comfortably, and there will always be someone else for which the way you identify yourself is uncomfortable to them, just as their identity could sit uncomfortably with you. You could share a very similar identity with someone else, but you could be troubled by it whilst the other is at peace with it. This is because identity isn't fixed into one spot by a single set of definitions and experiences.

In the end identity is messy, emotional and deeply personal. It can be easy to dismiss another’s identity because it doesn't make sense to you, as could you dismiss part of your own identity because you have been told it is incompatible with the rest. Identity isn't meant to be easy, and it is all too easy to fall into assumptions and prejudices. To impose a narrow band of definition on something that isn't easy to define, to separate something that is inherently tangled up with all the other parts that make up a person’s identity. To dismiss or belittle other’s identities is to miss out on the complexity that is humanity. It serves no one to be reductive, and it serves no one to be inflexible. Identity is multiple, and it is complex, and it is never, ever simple. 

The Changing thing that is Me

So over the past few years I have been getting more connected to various communities devoted to being positive, welcoming and kind. Due to this over the past few years I have also seen some things that have made me incredibly uncomfortable. Due to this I have been changing my views on the world. Due to this I have been changing my views on myself.

Communities

Through a friend I have gotten closer to the Fat Positive community, also known as Fat Activism.
Through an acquaintance I have gotten closer to the Feminist community.
Through a close friend and many acquaintances being connected to the Sex Positive community.
Through acquaintances I have been involved in the Fair Trade and Sustainability communities.
And through personal interest I have gotten involved in education, which has led to a direct connection to Refugees and Asylum Seekers in my local area.

On being uncomfortable

I like to think I have grown over the past few years, and will continue to grow. This hasn't come with out moments of being uncomfortable with myself and others. I believe being uncomfortable is important in challenging and changing views.

With the Fat positive community I had to come to terms with what I have been told by society: that I and others that are overweight (and in particular female) do not deserve romantic and sexual relationships, that if we have or want these things we have to settle, that if we have a partner they must have some kind of fetish or have no self respect, that I am something to feel sorry for, that I am not worthy of respect, that I'm not allowed to dress a certain way which has led me to judge other overweight people for dressing how they want to, that being overweight is something to pity. I have had to come to terms with myself and, since I do have health issues, be strong enough to realise that a doctor who wants to focus on my weight is not worth my time. I have had to really look at how I have viewed others who are also overweight and actively go against what I have been taught, as it is unkind to others, and it is harmful to myself.

I have over the years been reticent about calling myself a Feminist, but I am happy to do so now. Part of this is being to see and be connected to those that practice Feminism, not just those that misuse, misread and misrepresent the community. I have had uncomfortable moments though, such as I never realised the pervasive extent in which racism has been in the Feminist movement (I never assumed there wasn't racist Feminists, but it made me glad for the group I am now a part of) that has made me examine my privilege even more closely as a white Christian in an English speaking Western country.

The Sex Positive community has close ties with many of the things in the Fat Positive and Feminist communities, and there is good reason for the cross overs. For me one of the things that has caused the most uncomfortable moments have been about consent and shaming. I don't think I need to explain why conversations on consent and shaming are uncomfortable, and if you need an explanation either you are living in a utopia that has perfect consent and doesn't shame people because there are sexually free or have been victims of crimes, or you live in a self reinforced bubble.

I think that while I am living in the time and place I live in I will always have uncomfortable moments because I work with Refugees and Asylum Seekers. There are mild bits of uncomfortable that will simply exist because there are cultural differences, but these are easily overcome by being understanding and in the end. The most uncomfortable things are listening to the stories of the English students in the classes I volunteer in and then hearing the vitriol and ignorance that people spout about Refugees and Asylum Seekers. The moments when I can see people visibly swallowing words because they don't want to offend ME, picking their statements carefully because they don't want to offend ME, the educated white girl, instead of ever considering the people they are actually talking about.

On meeting amazing people

In all of these things I have met some amazing people. These are people I have personally met. I might not have spoken to them at length about anything (I am ridiculously shy at times) but I have heard them, and read their words, and seen their actions.

The women I have met at Aqua Porko, a Fat Positive synchronised swimming group. My goodness I feel shy around them but I have never felt better about my body since I have met them. They encourage health with out weight loss, they encourage fashion without shame, they have given me people I can look up to because they don't see their weight as a hindrance to being active, sexy, romantic, fashionable, They stand there and say "I am not these things despite of my size, I am these things because I want to be these things". Due to health issues I haven't been able to go swimming with them as much as I want but I am so glad that when I have everything sorted I will be welcomed back with open arms.

I will combine the Feminist and Sex Positive people together because the people that have influenced me in person over this have bee the same people. One of them is one of my Best Friends and housemate, Anika, and another is someone she introduce me to, Peter C Haywood, who runs the Femism group on FB Let's Talk Feminism and is just brilliant to talk to. Both have connected me to wider Sex Positive and Feminist communities, such as writers, activists and educators. OK, so it is a bit of a cop out saying my best friend and housemate is an amazing person, but the people, ideas and groups she has introduced me to has helped me to grow, and I did meet her only a few years ago so she fits my self imposed criteria.

With the Fair Trade and Sustainability communities there has been a stand out person that has connected me to many different people, groups and ideas. Stephanie Woollard is the founder of (and runs) the organisation Seven Women. I have volunteered for her before and I don't think I have met someone so undeniably POSITIVE.

I volunteer at an adult education organisation in my local area as a classroom assistant in their preliminary English course for refugees and asylum seekers. I have met some great educators there in a great environment. I think the whole place is influencing my future as an educator in so many positive ways. They are so supportive of us volunteers, I have been a volunteer at so many different places in a variety of different settings and whilst I can't really pick a definitive top place (I have been really lucky as a volunteer), they are definitely up there. The students are great, and I don't think I can do anything other than admire them for making such hard, dangerous and difficult choices for themselves and their families. I think it is amazing that they can go through so much to get to Australia, and despite what they are put through by the government and actively ignorant media and people they still want to be here, and still like Australia.

On the future

I hope I will continue to have discomfort in the future. I am becoming a secondary school teacher so I know I will have uncomfortable moments there (I don't think it's possible to not have uncomfortable moments when in contact with teenagers). I hope that these experiences and people I have met will help me through those uncomfortable moments and their positive influences keep on going. I hope that this helps me to become a positive influence on others. That I can stand up and confidently say I am a Fat Positive, Sex Positive Feminist. That I can stand up and confidently support Fair Trade and Sustainability. That I will always have the confidence to make someone else uncomfortable with their views on Refugees and Asylum Seekers.

I am a work in progress, to be anything other would be to be stuck in a rut. As much as it would be lovely to wrap myself in a bubble of people that agree with me I know it's impossible and I think it leads to people being ignorant on other issues. I want to grow as a person, and I want to understand things better. I will have my down days when I feel useless, and feel like people won't change. I won't deny my own shortcomings. I will try to be understanding of others and where they are coming from.

I'm not an activist, but I am a person who is capable of discussion and in a position to share and influence others. Will it be easy? No, it won't, trying to change someones mind on something is hard, I know I have taken time to change and grow, and I must allow them that time too.

<3 Milly

Some extra bits

For those in the Melbourne (also a group in Sydney) area that identify as Fat, enjoy swimming and want some guilt free fitness fun check out Aqua Porko.

I love Laci Green on lacigreen and Dr Lindsey Doe on Sexplanations on Youtube. Check out their informative Sex Positive educational channels and learn something. 

http://sevenwomen.org/ is where you can find more information about Steph's great organisation. If you are in Melbourne you can see about volunteering with them. If you are at La Trobe's Bundoora campus be sure to look for their stall during semester (and keep an eye out for them at other universities and markets across Melbourne). 

If you want to volunteer in your local community go investigate options such as a community connections organisation (usually run by the local council) or community center. It is ok to volunteer so that you can get experience in a field or area, but don't let that be the sole reason, and always know your rights and obligations as a volunteer as well as the organisations rights and obligations (it goes both ways). 

Long time, no words and stuff and things

I have to wonder sometimes why people give me strange looks when I talk about things I want to do in my life career wise. This year I finally made the decision and took the step to do my teaching degree. I like it, the theory is interesting and being able to engage with kids and influence them in a hopefully positive way is just brilliant. Am I still just as odd and slightly immature with a large dash of nonsensical musings? Of course, I doubt this will ever change. Do I have to watch what I say around teenagers more....Hell Yes!!! I mean seriously, it's one thing to show something or talk about something that could be slightly too mature to your own cousin or other teenage family member, another to do it with another persons child that has entrusted you to educate them. I am still new to this, so, I will reserve my judgment on my abilities to communicate ideas to teenagers til I have much, much more experience. However, this is not what this is about and I have digressed a little there (see? being in a classroom has helped me with staying on topic). I want to really discuss the confusion that people have when you want to do cross discipline studies.

I expressed to someone today that I would love to maybe do a Master's in Anthropology, perhaps with a focus on education. I feel that Anthropological techniques and observations allow us to examine society. Home Anthropology, or the anthropological study of areas within your own "society", allow us to look at our own society as a different culture to our own. Doing observations as a student teacher, I am thinking all about me, about the actions I need to take, actions from students I need to be aware of, and importantly how to know when a teaching technique I am going to use is working and with which kind of students it will work with. Anthropological observation is different to that. We all talk about how the classroom is a small society in and of itself, we all think of the classroom as a microcosm of the culture, region and society in which that classroom is based. I don't see it that way. I see it as its own specific culture and society. It has a particular kind of environment, a very specific set of social rules you rarely see outside of it, its own style of language (both lingual and physical) and most of all it has its own form of interactions that are classroom specific. Yes, all these things are going to be influenced by the wider community with all the socio-cultural specifics of that community.

However, why is it that despite all these things that classrooms are largely all the same? We teach teachers all the same techniques, strategies and research. How can these things that we are learning and teaching be applicable if there isn't some kind of classroom specific culture? If there is, hooray, by all means keep teaching teachers in the same way. If there isn't, why on earth do we not try and actually research what these differences are? We throw around the word "variable" a lot. Almost as though the word magically means that we can't possibly research it. I feel like it is the academic way of saying that the academics have put it into the too hard basket. However, having had experience, at least as a university undergrad student, of anthropology, this use of the word variable just baffles me. I feel like I hear far too much about statistics and numbers, and yeah, in those sorts of studies it is hard to examine too many variables at once. So why not seek out a different way of doing research? A different form of observation? Why not use anthropology, the discipline devoted to examining culture and society with its myriad of variables?

I don't doubt that there is already anthropological research on education, so why we don't get given any of it in our education course is beyond me. I know there is anthropological research on childhood and early learning, and I have seen research on adolescents across many cultures. I do intend on looking up some of this research when I have my mid-year break. It frustrates me that there is all this research that our education lecturers could be discussing with us, but the only cross-discipline stuff we seem to see is with psychology. I understand that a post-graduate course in education is only one year, we have a lot to get through in very little time. With this limited time why do they provide us with references to research we will never use, telling us that we will never use it, when there is practical and useful research out there, that just happens to be in the wrong discipline for them to notice it.

I don't want to become a teacher and abandon my anthropological influence. I am certainly not going to abandon my archaeology, though I admit what I have done in archaeology is much easier to insert into my teaching as it is already part of what we know as school taught History. Anthropology I feel has strongly influenced the way I view the world. If I hadn't done so much of it in my undergrad degree would I be asking these questions? I honestly don't know. All I do know is that I want to mix my anthroplogy into my education studies. If this means doing a Masters in Anthropology at some point, in the hope to do a PhD that could possibly focus on classroom culture, I am prepared to do it. Whether I will ever do it is a different matter. I also would like to do something that crosses my archaeology background with education. Even if it is simply going through all the sources and textbooks I use in class and try and fix any misconceptions about archaeology that comes across in them.

I feel like I have made some sort of argument here, but I am hungry and need to finish cooking dinner now. If you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free, as always, to comment.

love you all (in a platonic way)
Milly

Job Thingies

I was watching a documentary on Phone Sex Workers in Britain the other night and it got me wondering, what jobs could I do if I was that little less sqeamish, a little less prudish, a little less everything that inhibits basically. Now I duly hope that the few of you people that read this would be kind enough to comment on this, as I wish to have a, mainly immature, conversation.

There are many jobs in the world that we forget about. Sure, we remember that there are strippers and prostitutes, garbage men and lab workers, but we forget about the others, the phone sex workers, the taxidermists, the blood splatter specialists and the morgue attendants. Most of these jobs are really only seen in tv shows, either as a joke, or weird people that have these strange jobs that we forget exist and don't take from fantasy inside the tv show into reality and job applications.

I am a little curious as to how people apply for some of these sorts of jobs. How do you figure out your life calling is to take care of dead bodies or make a dead animal into a statue? How do you discover that you can make money by stroking peoples libido over the phone? How do you then get the experience, certifications or courage to then go for that job, that career path?

I know what I want to eventually do. I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea. I would love to be what is known as a Forensic Archaeologist, look at Palaeopathology (yes, it's a real word), explore childhood in what could be considered one of the more creepy ways to do so. Probably more creepy considering I'm about to apply to a teaching course, but hey, we all have our odd career sidetracks.

So I obviously lack some of the squeamishness that others have in bucketloads, but only for certain things. Get me to pick up dog poop or clean out rotten food from a fridge and I am outta there. I have a much more apparent prudishness, though the level of it can only be gauged once you know me well. I have to give it to those that spend their lives talking openly and frank and occasionally inventively about sex. I applaud them, as long as I don't have to be involved in the conversation. Let's stick to the other kinds of sticky and gross human functions thank you very much, and not in a fetishy kind of way.

So, what I want you to do (and I really hope you do) is write down an ooky, open or odd job that you would enjoy as a career, and why.....and then something that you would be completely against doing, and why (not the obvious "I won't be a prostitute/yoga instructor/midwife" kind of things).

So in the end, I am not bothered by dead bodies but would fail completely as a sex therapist.

Just Something

So, I have a new years aim: I must try and write something on here at least once a fortnight. This probably won't happen, but I am going to try.

My brain has slightly run out of things to talk about, but on the other hand I have gotten some creative work done (woot, 5 paragraphs). So I have also decided that to make me keep my brain working I shall start to put up regularly (sort of) some of my story stuff. Now, I don't think of myself as a writer, it is just something I occasionally do, so if it doesn't make sense or seems odd or just isn't good well, its your choice as to whether you read it or not. I will have to spend some time figuring out what sections to put up, because since I have never written more than 10,000 words for a single piece there isn't anything you could call 'chapters' in any of them (and no being mean about the titles, none of them are official, looking at you Kat).

But since this is all to start after the new year has begun I should prob write something coherent and legible right now.

As a kid I thought so many things about what I would be like when I was an adult. So, as a 14 year old and younger this is what I thought my life would be like at 21:
I thought I would be a vet (eh, zoo arch is kinda like being a vet right?)
I thought I would be a poet (don't ask, I don't know where any of it is)
I thought I would be getting married (yeah, I know, tis laughable)
If I wasn't with someone then I would be living by myself in the most super awesome house ever (that I designed myself because I did architecture on the side)
I thought I would be well travelled (passport, must also get that done next year)
I thought I would hang out every weekend at some super awesome bar (grocery shopping counts as going out right?)
I thought I would wear high heels any where I wanted to (ouch, why did I think that was ever a good idea?)
I thought I would drink wine like a fancy person (it is so not as good as I thought it would be)
I thought I would have one of those cute little cars, preferably red (need license)
I thought I would have built up awesome self esteem but still have the ability to be all dark and brooding when need be (I succeeded at neither)
I thought I would be published, whether it be creative or academic (wow, I had really high expectations of myself)

Now, I'm not saying I have failed at life at 21, because I totally haven't, I just sucked at being realistic about what I can and can't do, and also about what I actually do and don't want to do, when I was a kid and wishing every thing about myself was better and most of all different. All up I thought I would have figured out life by 21.

I don't want you to think I am sad about all this. I'm not, I am mainly amused thinking back to what I thought being an adult was like. When you are 10 you just assume you will learn how to start relationships and start your dream career and learn how to like yourself (all of it). When you are 21 you sit there thinking, "did they forget to teach me something at school, I swear I missed something". It's not a bad thing. There are some things that I genuinely did miss getting taught at school, but there are somethings that I did get taught that have helped me.

I thought I would know everything I didn't know as a child when I grew up, if anything I am more naive than I was before (also less pretentious, I was a pretentious little child). Whether this is a good thing or not, I don't know, all I do know is that it is fine for me to not be what I thought I would be as a child.

Love you all
Milly

Moo?!

Na na na na na na na na BatCow!!!!

BatCow disapproves. I don't though, so you need not worry about any stern looks or undeserving stares here. This is an Eyes of Judgement free zone (unless your belief that BatCow is watching is keeping you from being naughty right now, then yes, yes this is a place that judges you with the great and weary eyes of your disappointed BatCow).

Now that we have this sorted we can move on to me finding something to talk to you about. At first I thought about telling you about how I want to make Chicken Noodle soup from scratch. However even I can't think of enough things to say about that.

"I have a passion for skin."

Oh Dear Lord television....Do you not see how these phrases can be misinterpreted? Well, I guess I have a topic? I'm really not entirely sure, but hey, here I go.

What does this passion mean? What does it involve? "Lip smacking feast." I really am not choosing the best timings to take quotes from the tv. Well, let us just see where this will go. I do have to say though, skin is delicious. chicken skin and pig skin in particular. I will freely admit to being one of those annoying people that steals the skin off the BBQ or roast chicken whilst cutting it up. Why? Because it is bloody well delicious that is why. As to pig skin? Crackling is the pigs' gift to man (apart from bacon).

The other alternative is that someone out there likes flaying people and eating their skin. Kind of like the creepy guy in Game of Thrones (well, Song of Ice and Fire since the tv show hasn't caught up with this part of the books). I don't think you really want to hear about the flaying and the crisping and the cannibalism that I am only momentarily going to refer too. Mainly 'cos it is icky.

Ham. My household loves ham. It is indeed a brilliant food stuff. I had baked ham for the first time last Easter. It was scrumptious. Ham is a gift from pigs as well (well, apparently when pigs evolved they didn't quite realise how much they were evolving to be delicious).

Well, I guess I sort of talked about some things.

^_^
Milly

Quotes I just remembered were on my FB profile

"Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it."
"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short."
The Wee Free Men

"The trouble with witches is that they'll never run away from things they really hate.
And the trouble with small furry animals in the corner is that, just occasionally, one of them's a mongoose"
Witches Abroad

" 'Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things. Well-known fact,' said Granny"
Wyrd Sisters

"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise, I mean all you can give them is a meaningful look" Small Gods

"The labyrinth of Ephebe is ancient and full of one hundred and one amazing things you can do with hidden springs, razor-sharp knives and falling rocks"
Small Gods

"Racism is not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with the trolls and dwarves and so on - specieism is more interesting. Black and white live in harmony and gang up on green"
Witches Abroad

"The Duke had a mind that ticked like a clock, and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo"
Wyrd Sisters

"Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps its the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe its just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder"
Mort

"Destiny is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner or later"
Lemony Snicket

"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, especially if that thing is cats"
Lemony Snicket

"It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is wrong is the one proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right. Right?"
Lemony Snicket

"Mummy snores like a monster, it goes RAWR"
little kid on tv show The Doctors