The Changing thing that is Me

So over the past few years I have been getting more connected to various communities devoted to being positive, welcoming and kind. Due to this over the past few years I have also seen some things that have made me incredibly uncomfortable. Due to this I have been changing my views on the world. Due to this I have been changing my views on myself.

Communities

Through a friend I have gotten closer to the Fat Positive community, also known as Fat Activism.
Through an acquaintance I have gotten closer to the Feminist community.
Through a close friend and many acquaintances being connected to the Sex Positive community.
Through acquaintances I have been involved in the Fair Trade and Sustainability communities.
And through personal interest I have gotten involved in education, which has led to a direct connection to Refugees and Asylum Seekers in my local area.

On being uncomfortable

I like to think I have grown over the past few years, and will continue to grow. This hasn't come with out moments of being uncomfortable with myself and others. I believe being uncomfortable is important in challenging and changing views.

With the Fat positive community I had to come to terms with what I have been told by society: that I and others that are overweight (and in particular female) do not deserve romantic and sexual relationships, that if we have or want these things we have to settle, that if we have a partner they must have some kind of fetish or have no self respect, that I am something to feel sorry for, that I am not worthy of respect, that I'm not allowed to dress a certain way which has led me to judge other overweight people for dressing how they want to, that being overweight is something to pity. I have had to come to terms with myself and, since I do have health issues, be strong enough to realise that a doctor who wants to focus on my weight is not worth my time. I have had to really look at how I have viewed others who are also overweight and actively go against what I have been taught, as it is unkind to others, and it is harmful to myself.

I have over the years been reticent about calling myself a Feminist, but I am happy to do so now. Part of this is being to see and be connected to those that practice Feminism, not just those that misuse, misread and misrepresent the community. I have had uncomfortable moments though, such as I never realised the pervasive extent in which racism has been in the Feminist movement (I never assumed there wasn't racist Feminists, but it made me glad for the group I am now a part of) that has made me examine my privilege even more closely as a white Christian in an English speaking Western country.

The Sex Positive community has close ties with many of the things in the Fat Positive and Feminist communities, and there is good reason for the cross overs. For me one of the things that has caused the most uncomfortable moments have been about consent and shaming. I don't think I need to explain why conversations on consent and shaming are uncomfortable, and if you need an explanation either you are living in a utopia that has perfect consent and doesn't shame people because there are sexually free or have been victims of crimes, or you live in a self reinforced bubble.

I think that while I am living in the time and place I live in I will always have uncomfortable moments because I work with Refugees and Asylum Seekers. There are mild bits of uncomfortable that will simply exist because there are cultural differences, but these are easily overcome by being understanding and in the end. The most uncomfortable things are listening to the stories of the English students in the classes I volunteer in and then hearing the vitriol and ignorance that people spout about Refugees and Asylum Seekers. The moments when I can see people visibly swallowing words because they don't want to offend ME, picking their statements carefully because they don't want to offend ME, the educated white girl, instead of ever considering the people they are actually talking about.

On meeting amazing people

In all of these things I have met some amazing people. These are people I have personally met. I might not have spoken to them at length about anything (I am ridiculously shy at times) but I have heard them, and read their words, and seen their actions.

The women I have met at Aqua Porko, a Fat Positive synchronised swimming group. My goodness I feel shy around them but I have never felt better about my body since I have met them. They encourage health with out weight loss, they encourage fashion without shame, they have given me people I can look up to because they don't see their weight as a hindrance to being active, sexy, romantic, fashionable, They stand there and say "I am not these things despite of my size, I am these things because I want to be these things". Due to health issues I haven't been able to go swimming with them as much as I want but I am so glad that when I have everything sorted I will be welcomed back with open arms.

I will combine the Feminist and Sex Positive people together because the people that have influenced me in person over this have bee the same people. One of them is one of my Best Friends and housemate, Anika, and another is someone she introduce me to, Peter C Haywood, who runs the Femism group on FB Let's Talk Feminism and is just brilliant to talk to. Both have connected me to wider Sex Positive and Feminist communities, such as writers, activists and educators. OK, so it is a bit of a cop out saying my best friend and housemate is an amazing person, but the people, ideas and groups she has introduced me to has helped me to grow, and I did meet her only a few years ago so she fits my self imposed criteria.

With the Fair Trade and Sustainability communities there has been a stand out person that has connected me to many different people, groups and ideas. Stephanie Woollard is the founder of (and runs) the organisation Seven Women. I have volunteered for her before and I don't think I have met someone so undeniably POSITIVE.

I volunteer at an adult education organisation in my local area as a classroom assistant in their preliminary English course for refugees and asylum seekers. I have met some great educators there in a great environment. I think the whole place is influencing my future as an educator in so many positive ways. They are so supportive of us volunteers, I have been a volunteer at so many different places in a variety of different settings and whilst I can't really pick a definitive top place (I have been really lucky as a volunteer), they are definitely up there. The students are great, and I don't think I can do anything other than admire them for making such hard, dangerous and difficult choices for themselves and their families. I think it is amazing that they can go through so much to get to Australia, and despite what they are put through by the government and actively ignorant media and people they still want to be here, and still like Australia.

On the future

I hope I will continue to have discomfort in the future. I am becoming a secondary school teacher so I know I will have uncomfortable moments there (I don't think it's possible to not have uncomfortable moments when in contact with teenagers). I hope that these experiences and people I have met will help me through those uncomfortable moments and their positive influences keep on going. I hope that this helps me to become a positive influence on others. That I can stand up and confidently say I am a Fat Positive, Sex Positive Feminist. That I can stand up and confidently support Fair Trade and Sustainability. That I will always have the confidence to make someone else uncomfortable with their views on Refugees and Asylum Seekers.

I am a work in progress, to be anything other would be to be stuck in a rut. As much as it would be lovely to wrap myself in a bubble of people that agree with me I know it's impossible and I think it leads to people being ignorant on other issues. I want to grow as a person, and I want to understand things better. I will have my down days when I feel useless, and feel like people won't change. I won't deny my own shortcomings. I will try to be understanding of others and where they are coming from.

I'm not an activist, but I am a person who is capable of discussion and in a position to share and influence others. Will it be easy? No, it won't, trying to change someones mind on something is hard, I know I have taken time to change and grow, and I must allow them that time too.

<3 Milly

Some extra bits

For those in the Melbourne (also a group in Sydney) area that identify as Fat, enjoy swimming and want some guilt free fitness fun check out Aqua Porko.

I love Laci Green on lacigreen and Dr Lindsey Doe on Sexplanations on Youtube. Check out their informative Sex Positive educational channels and learn something. 

http://sevenwomen.org/ is where you can find more information about Steph's great organisation. If you are in Melbourne you can see about volunteering with them. If you are at La Trobe's Bundoora campus be sure to look for their stall during semester (and keep an eye out for them at other universities and markets across Melbourne). 

If you want to volunteer in your local community go investigate options such as a community connections organisation (usually run by the local council) or community center. It is ok to volunteer so that you can get experience in a field or area, but don't let that be the sole reason, and always know your rights and obligations as a volunteer as well as the organisations rights and obligations (it goes both ways).