FB convos and why paraphrasing is fun

"You had me at all the birthdays...I agree to do what ever you want of me...So Milly what do you want of me?"

This could either be cake or a friend that loves cake. Either way, it sounds suspicious. This is some of the things that happen when you paraphrase FB conversations. Sometimes hilarity, sometimes dirtiness, other times a complete lack of sense.

This isn't even going to be a full post. You know the kind, with the lots of words and occasional creativity. No, this is simply because reposting that particular paraphrasing, whilst amusing, would get looks of consternation from certain friends and relatives on FB. I like looks of consternation better when it is either me or coming from someone I don't know and as such can't see the disappointment in their eyes due to my picturing the look in my head.  Also, I like the word consternation. 'Tis a good word.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that little piece of random amusingness so bye bye, perhaps later on i shall think of something more interesting to say.

Reader...a baby prologue

The hall echoed with the turning of crackling parchment. Everything is old. Everything is dry. The monotone world of the library sat still. Still except for the slow, rhythmic crackle of turning pages. With so many shadows and hidden places the reader cannot be seen. They blend into the darkness, are one with it. How they can read in the dark stillness of the moonlit library is inhuman, yet still the pages turn, slowly, thoughtfully, reverently. A single flame would turn this dark dry place of shadows into a raging inferno. A marble tomb for the knowledge it would burn. The pages stop turning. Yet the crackles of their movement echoes through the library for long moments, reaching into the dark recesses of the hall. The rustle of soft robes can now be heard, moving towards the patch of moonlight illuminating the heart of the library. Even in the moonlight they are all blackness, darker than the night outside. Underneath the reader’s voluminous hood jewel bright eyes of green stare out. Fine white hands reach up and push back the hood. Her face is white, echoing the glowing softness of the gentle pool of moonlight around her. Black silk tresses fall from her brow and obscure most of her finely boned face. The reader pushes her hair back, and a tear slowly winds its way down her porcelain cheek only to settle in the corner of the reader’s crimson lips. A boom rings through the grand library. Before the echoes die down she is gone. The monotone shadows turn into myriad colour as sunrise flows into the library. As laughter and debate ring though it the marble mausoleum relinquishes its knowledge again to the irreverent scholars of day. Time is different in the library, and as the sun goes down it reclaims its deathly monotone again. Filled only with the slow, rhythmic crackle of turning pages the Library is content, its reader has returned, and, with her, hope.

boredom....

so, a while ago me and a friend came up with a not so intelligent idea of competing with each other to make the best/worse Harry Potter related lightbulb jokes. These are my contributions:

How many Ravenclaws does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3
2 to debate it, 1 to write a muggles studies essay on it, and an exasperated Hufflepuff to give up and do it

How many Gryffindors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who knows, adventure is always more exciting in the dark

How many Deatheaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Don't know, they got distracted after a muggle told them it was a toaster

How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
8, because they will use any excuse to get away from an angry Molly

How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10, cos teamwork is awesome!

How many House Elves does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, purebloods use candles
(courtesy of Kat my housemate)

knock knock
who's there?
you know...
you know who?
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhh

And my final joke...

Who would change a lightbulb the quickest, Flitwick or McGonnagle?

Anyway, I figured sharing is caring, but can also be a form of torture, have fun

Belated Introductions

Hi Peoples,

This is a letter to you, yes you, siting there, in front of a computer screen. Perhaps with a cup of tea at your side, it certainly would be more homey and poetic if you did. This is to introduce my self properly. My name, if you don't know me and/or can't tell by by the title of this blog, is Milly. If you are wondering, which i sincerely hope you aren't, yes, yes i do talk a lot. It is not always about appropriate topics or age appropriate ones either. they can be random, usually instigated by the fact that I can't think of what to write or something that has amused, filled me with consternation, frustrated or angered me that day. Sometimes I will post snippets of creative writing that I have done. I call these prologues though they really aren't prologues unless I get on my bottom for an even more extended amount of time to actually write a story for them to actually become a real grown up prologue. I write long sentences. It is not always advisable to read them out loud, you may die from oxygen deprivation. I will attempt to put in commas when I can't be bothered splitting the big sentence into smaller sentences. I would love feedback on my prologues, whether they be in the form of criticism, or ideas on where the story could go from there. Interacting back with me at the end of ramblings would also be fun. Hopefully we will not devolve into 'Your Mum' jokes. If we do, well, it isn't as if any of our mums will be reading this to care or comment on our childish behavior.

Thanks for reading,

Love Milly

stuck in your head

Sooooo, that typing thing again. By the way I have pruny fingers, damn dishes, but they be clean now. It makes it feel weird to type with pruny fingers, I don’t know how I didn’t realise this at an earlier date but hey, does it really matter? Listening to the music of a band that I haven’t really listened to before makes me think of many things. Usually this occurs because a friend has made you listen to a song that it “awesome” or it could be that you heard a song on the radio, have finally figured out the name of the band who are singing it and feel that you should give it a try. I am doing the latter right now. This is also besides the point, as I am merely stalling time to make a topic that I can discuss is some mediocre way. 

When you think of music you think of sounds, then you generally get a song stuck in your head, then you get stuck because some of the lyrics aren’t appearing in your mind, then you get frustrated. This happens a lot, all over the world. It is like God, or the gods, or whichever religion, deity or inanimate object you believe runs everything, has played a cruel joke on humanity, that not only do you get songs stuck in your head, and then, when you go to run through the song in a vain attempt to maybe sing it out, the lyrics disappear, or you end up in a loop of a section of a song, always ending back at the start of the chorus. The frustration begins. This song must be gone oh evil song demon inhabiting my mind. 

Right now, due to there being music playing, I do not have a song playing in my head. This is very good cos it means that at this moment I am less insane than you. One of my friends has this thing where, if a song is trying to turn you into a creature of the netherworld, they will do the chicken dance. Unfortunately for me whilst I can do the chicken dance this then leads to me singing out loud and doing the actions to Elmo’s version of the chicken dance. This leads to much consternation in those around me. Also, all this seems to achieve is getting the music from the chicken dance stuck in their heads, which I think could be worse depending on the song you have stuck in your head. It’s a coin toss really. Do you keep the demon in your head, playing a song on a broken record player, or replace it with an imp whose only aim in life is to torture you until you dance dammit, dance like you have never danced before. 

This is another dilemma with music. That is the background piece of lyrics, usually in a bridge or the climatic chorus at the end of the song, that you only vaguely hear, and then get annoyed at because you want to know what it says. I did that with a song a few weeks ago. It took me about 10 times of listening to the song with the intent to get the poem playing behind the bridge involving someone else singing, but I got it. I was so inordinately proud of myself for this achievement. I mean seriously, no one around me cared. But I did it anyway. Personal satisfaction I guess. Now I can be all pretentious and when those around me are singing the main bride lyrics, I can sing the background bit. Which, I believe anyway, is quite a nice piece of poetry even if the most of a response I got from it was ‘I wondered what the words were, ok’. 

Other times the achievement of discovering what the background lyrics are is overshadowed by either the rudeness or stupidity of them. Personally I think this accounts for about 90% of background lyrics. On the other hand, those are the kinds of lyrics that I usually catch by accident whilst half asleep listening to the radio, usually on a tram, though the last bit of information is not really needed in this context. These are usually followed by a quick internal WTF, mind you if this happens at home or in the presence of others also listening to this song and you feel friendly enough with them to point it out to them in a not in your head voice, you could vocalise said WTF. 

Anyway, it appears that I have ranted on long enough. If you have a song stuck in your head, please feel free to comment about it, and maybe we can help you figure out those pesky lyrics.

Vampires, cos yeah

I should begin typing something. Oh look, I am. I blame the Young Dracula conversation. Possibly the sugar as well. It all began on a sunny afternoon. Shopping had been done, a delicious meal had been eaten, and food had been brought for a meal the next day. Fanfiction, that thing where people, of their own volition, write extra stories about characters from a piece of fiction just because they feel that something else should happen to that character(s) or that this would be an amusing thing if those two were paired up. That sentence doesn’t make sense, I don’t care. Either way, it is something that I do not normally do except for in my head, I do not write these things, and, on the whole, I do not discuss these things with other people. The difference on this day was the friend it was being spent with. This person is known for both her deep thinking and her complete randomness of thought and comments in ways that led to terrible jokes and idiotic laughter. 

Anywho, the topic that we ended up discussing was the outcome of several characters after the show had finished. This discussion, though we did get sidetracked talking about the mental breakdown that the older sister Ingrid would have, centered mainly around the fact that Vlad (the young Dracula from the name of the show) would totally get together with his best mate Robin’s little sister Chloe. This brings up the issue that I am going to discuss here on in, “How do Vampires have sex with Humans and not kill them in the process?”

Enter Friends’ thoughts.

A: “corks on their teeth”

This, I think, is ridiculous, as in most movies and tv shows vampires fangs are not fully extended until the moment of, well, climax. I do think that we can all agree here that no matter what, the whole act of a vampire sucking on someone else is a matter of climax, whether it be like sexual climax or like the climax of euphoria from taking drugs. This word shall hopefully not need to be debated any further as to my usage of it. Sigh. Back on track. Corks in teeth doesn’t work. I mean, how do they stay on? What about foreplay? Wouldn’t they get in the way of kissing? I can see a girl possibly being able to keep track and cork fanging herself before she bites her boyfriend, but I really don’t see her wanting to ruin the moment for herself. Whereas a male vampire, well, I don’t really see them as thinking the straightest at that moment either in which to stop themselves from going all out orgasm on the girls neck (I like this sentence, in a so very immature way). The only other option I can then foresee is there being a third person. But is that person to be a human that wants to be sucked on, putting themselves in the way of the vampire’s partner’s veins and arteries because that’s how they reach their happy place (or are simply suicidal masochists). Another option is that this third person is human and likes the thrill of danger of getting the corks on the vampire’s teeth on time. Or it’s another vampire, and it works as like a safe system of ‘if we fail I’ll help you get rid of the body in exchange for a free feed’ kind of way. No matter how I think of it, corks on the teeth is a stupid idea. My friend has her own view of why it wouldn’t work: the teeth would cut through the cork. My main point is that it would totally ruin the moment and is completely unsexy.

A (again): “neck guard”

“This process involves the foreplay, the afterplay, and everything that happens in between the plays....hence why it doesn’t have to simply be the human partner’s neck.” 

My main point with this thought is that how completely unsexy it would be to have to do it with someone in a full body cast so you don’t inadvertently suck their blood. But you see, this doesn’t work if the human is a male, cos the whole reason why erections work is that blood runs into the penis to make it be, well, erect. So yeah, it just doesn’t work.

K: “Blood bag”

You see, I also had this idea. It is perfect in many ways, like me I guess. But I guess I will have to look at the cons of shoving a blood bag into your vampire partners face at the exact right moment so they suck on the blood in the blood bag instead of your own (though you could extract your own blood in small amounts and then store it, so as to make the moment more intimate, I guess, it’s weird either way, but your having sex with a freaking vampire, so yeah, I stick my tongue out a you). First of all, how to keep the blood warm? I mean, you would have to time it to see how long your vampire partner gets to the point of biting climax as opposed to the point of sexual climax, work out an average time to reach the biting, then go from there in the hope that they don’t become prematurely bitey. With this in consideration how are you to keep the blood at a nice human bloody temperature so that when the moment comes they don’t burn their tongue or have a mouthful of cold glugginess. You also need to keep it close at hand as well, and hope like hell you have the presence of mind and the reflexes to get the blood bag to your vampire lover’s face in time. Then you have to get your undead love of your (most likely short) life to actually bite through the blood bag, when veins and arteries just under the skin are so much more inviting. Though I guess you could take the stance that it’s the same as people who don’t like condoms, though they are obviously the safer and less baby making option, though this doesn’t work if it is girl human with girl vampire, so that statement doesn’t make complete sense with every situation but hey, you get the analogy. It is also really unsexy to shove something in your partners face, especially if is a warm, faintly squishy plastic bag filled with liquid that you most likely are using too much force to get it into their mouth and as such are punching them in the face with this warm squishy liquid filled plastic bag thing, and also obstructing their view and concentration and overall, you suck (this time metaphorically) because you are yet again, ruining the moment. 

A: “some serious, serious bondage, as in the vampire, not the human”

K says that “rule 1, it is not wrong so long as both people consent and enjoy it, no matter whatever It is.” 

I can see this working, it’s just wrong. Mainly because you have to find a vampire lover that is willing to go into full bondage, despite the fact that I am fairly sure part of the whole enjoyment of sex thing for the vampire is the sucking of blood, but then it goes back to the whole punching them in the face with a warm squishy liquid filled plastic bag thing in order to keep them satisfied. But hey, if you, as a sadistic human being, find a masochistic vampire lover that wants you to dominate them in oh so many ways, then cool, go for, I just really, really, oh dear god I mean this when I say it, DON”T want to hear about it.

In the end my only conclusion is this, why the hell are you having sex with a vampire? Also, Vlad and Chloe totally get it on when they are older, I’m just not sure if they manage to get it on more than once. 

*Male vampires will be able to have an erection due to having the blood of others flowing through their veins (and arteries and capillaries).